In Conflict: One Thing You Need to Know (Part 1), I talked about Bill & Ben and frogs. I gave you some bad news: that we often come to think of conflict as a normal part of the workplace and accept it as part of doing business. Then I dangled a carrot in front of you – alluding to the good news that it's possible to nip conflict in the bud, if only we knew what is causing the conflict and how to identify the warning signs.

Here is what I found:

I have worked with many organisations mediating, coaching, conducting team reviews and workplace investigations, team building, as well as with individuals through the provision of Employee Assistance Program counseling. What I found was that no matter the industry, organization size, or employee demographic, a Managers' first thought is often "It's just a tiff, I will let them sort it out for themselves".

The tiff then festers and grows until the relationship is well and truly broken. The outcome is disengagement, anger, resentment, and dysfunctional behaviors that have a negative impact on customers, other team members, information flows and organizational outcomes. And all this before someone even lodges a formal complaint resulting in a formal investigation (over to you HR!) It got me thinking: How can things get so bad? What is causing all this conflict?

How can things get so bad?

Psychologists Bell and Hart have identified eight common causes of conflict in the workplace:

On the surface, there are many mitigating circumstances that create a breeding ground for workplace conflict such as those listed above. My observations and reflections have led me to conclude that at the heart of poorly managed and destructive interpersonal conflict (inside and outside of the workplace) lies the simple concept of:

DIFFERENCE

Difference of opinion, difference of perception, different values, different goals, difference in personalities. Any and all these differences can quickly lead to misunderstandings through making assumptions. Different perceptions and assumptions often lead to critical judgment of the other person and, if allowed free rein, are reinforced and strengthened through story-telling (aka gossip) and through the mechanisms of a variety of biases.

“You are wrong, I am right”  becomes “We are different”

So what can we do to ensure that we don't end up bringing the pot of conflict to a boil? Well, first we need to acknowledge and accept difference as being at the core of conflict. From there we need to develop strategies to manage difference as an alternative to managing conflict.

Imagine if instead of managing conflict we started managing difference. How much more productive would that be? How much less defensiveness and competitiveness would we see? How much less stigma and fear would be associated with “managing differences” compared with “managing conflict”?

Okay, so now we have identified a key cause of conflict - difference. Excellent work! "But how do know that differences will lead to formal complaints, customer dissatisfaction and productivity losses?" I hear you ask.

In the next blog in this series, I will share with some ideas about what to look for while the water in the conflict pot is still lukewarm before differences reach a tipping point and spill into a destructive conflict scenario.

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you about your experiences of dealing with workplace conflict and what you see as the main causes.